Disagreeing Disagreeably: A Nine Days Message From the RCA

July 28, 2022 –

As we enter the Nine Days which lead to Tisha B’Av, a period traditionally devoted to communal introspection, the Rabbinical Council of America encourages you to reflect on the following:

The personal opinions, communal policies, and religious values being debated today are many; they are significant issues and valuable arguments. Jewish tradition recognizes that differences of opinion and serious debate are inherent in the human condition: “Just as [people’s] faces look different, so too their views are not the same” (Berachot 58b). Almost every page of the Talmud records numerous differences of opinion and the Mishneh extols “debates which are held for the sake of Heaven” (Av. 5:16).  

But because Jewish tradition also understands that the divisiveness caused in sharing these ideas can be counterproductive and dangerous, it bids us to disagree agreeably. The wise man of Ecclesiastes warned, “The calm words of the wise are heeded over the shouts of the ruler of fools” (9:17). The Talmud (Yevamot 65b) teaches that just as one should share words of rebuke that which will be heeded, so too should a person refrain if others will not be receptive to the message. Rabbi Abba proves this point with the verse from Proverbs (9:8), “Do not reprove a scorner lest he hate you; reprove a wise man and he will love you.”  

Unfortunately, today’s headlines are full of examples of heated debates and protests that have devolved into contentious arguments, debasing attacks, and shameful rhetoric which often obscure valuable points of disagreement, undermine the norms of civil society, and demean the dignity of others. This is true on the American political scene regarding issues that impact life and death as well as the integrity of our democracy. This is true in the Jewish world as recently, for example, whistles and shouts and destruction of property disrupted prayer services at the Kotel. This is true in how ad hominem attacks and dismissive slurs replace debate among rabbinic leaders and political figures when seeking to resolve differences of opinion and positions on Jewish law.

We are entitled, and perhaps even obligated, to share our views on important issues, but we must remember that we will not convince others of our positions and influence their opinions by shouting, attacking, and dismissing. Only through the “calm words of the wise” can we hope to influence and persuade. By disagreeing with dignity, we show our respect for kevod haberiyot (human dignity) and, ultimately, enhance kevod shamayim (the dignity of Heaven).